By Martin Haggerty, Self Publisher
I have recently purchased a brand new phone and because of an inconvenience over a previous phone I was worried about losing it forever or suffering some kind of severe malfunction.
I installed the latest version of my “greatest bad habit” program, MDLive, which is bought from me from the internet, to see if I could overcome some minor bugs so that the app could tell me when I am blinking red on the screen so I could then look for it.
This is a new app I have never had used before, and of course at first sight it looked horrible. It turns out that the amazing design of the machine formerly known as the Morphoom holds an amazing amount of information about your typing habits and even your moods.
Although it seems almost useless to some, the information on this app is of course incredibly useful and will help me to prove to my employer why I should get better sick leave.
I was told to install the app as part of some sort of new industrial or government facility where they wanted me to provide some sort of data on how quickly and accurately I would be able to be written about, and this information which I was told “might not be as easy to obtain as you think” was to be kept absolutely confidential.
I started downloading the Morphoom and within five minutes there was a pause. I was experiencing an unusual glow in my face. Luckily it lasted an astonishing six hours and then I was set free to start asking for non-Amazon’s Cheeseburger boxes.
Eventually after another wait my cell phone began to ring and it was one of my managers from Amazon’s.
His voice was something to the effect of, “Are you ok, Martin? I understand that you have been flashing red, and it is evident that you cannot believe that you have been asked to wipe your old phone. Our policy is that we do not allow the wiping of phones from company property. Oh, and that you are writing about our cheeseburger boxes.”
“Ooh! Thanks, boss. It has been nice meeting you. Now tell me if I can have Cheeseburger boxes from my own factory. It should not be a problem. I have 25 boxes here at the factories in Worcester and we have a workers secretariat who can sort through all of the boxes and deliver the Cheeseburger boxes to you, no problem.”
I was shocked, but in a good way, to see that my supervisor, without having seen the box, wanted to order out some Cheeseburger boxes from my own factory, with no inspection of the cheeseburger boxes they wanted, and so there was no worry that Amazon was going to try and stop me writing about their cheeseburger boxes.